Learning Self-Love through DBT

Yesterday I went for a run for the first time in almost 3.5 years! No music, no smart watch monitoring my steps, mileage or heartrate, just me and my running shoes and the love and respect I have for my body.

Things were not always this way.

My surgical child-birth really threw me for a loop. Not only was it a FAR departure from what I had planned (the home water birth that I had planned did not happen, and the story is a post in and of itself), the recovery period being longer than anticipated kept me from moving my body as I had been pre-baby but I was paralyzed by the grief of the loss of the birth I had hoped for for me and my one and only baby. It had been an excuse: my body failed me. It’s hard to honour, love and respect this vessel that let me down.

But, lately (like months actually) I have been waking up with back pain. I didn’t even experience back pain in my pregnancy. I remembered I was the fittest i had been since high school leading up to and during my pregnancy and I never experienced any pain or difficulties moving. Then it clicked with me that the reason I am experiencing back pain is because I hadn't been moving--loving, honouring and respecting--my body the way I used to.

A program sponsor once told me, with respect to quitting smoking, that we must do things out of love for our bodies, ourselves, rather than hate or distain because it sets us up for failure. If you make a lifestyle change out of shame about yourself, and you have a slip, what do you think will happen? You will likely feel angry at yourself, like a failure and like there is no point because you can't do it anyway.

But what happens when you flip the script?

What do you say to those you love who may be stumbling in their lifestyle change?

"You got this!"

"Don't give up!"

"You're making progress, you are getting closer to your goal, even if you stumble along the way"

When any lifestyle change--whether it be quitting smoking or "getting your body back"--comes from a place of love for yourself (like it would if you were telling this to a friend), you set yourself up to be successful because you recognize that change comes slowly, small steps still get you closer to your goal, and you are more gentle, forgiving and accepting of yourself when it comes from a place of love.

But, howwww?

Moments before I finally decided to get my leggings and running shoes on, I had debated doing an energizing HIIT workout inside. Then I looked out the window and at the temperature and I noticed it was a beautiful day, I remembered I had to go to the garden anyway. The garden plot is in a community garden tucked away in a park near a storm pond/natural conservation area with paths that I used to run on before I even had my garden plot. Usually, I walk there. But that day I grabbed a water bottle and a veggie bag and ran to the garden instead. In CBT/DBT this is called habit stacking. Habit stacking is essentially when you pair a generally unpleasant activity (like exercising or taking medication) with a pleasant activity, or a habit that you do regularly if not every day. For example, many people pair taking their medications with a task they do daily, such as brushing their teeth, or eating a meal. It becomes a part of your daily routine and if you forget that part of your routine, it feels... uncomfortable. Almost like you have forgotten to turn off your coffee pot. Or left your phone at home.

Ok, so, how do you DROP a bad habit instead of adding a good one?

Another tool in the CBT/DBT toolkit is delaying and opposite action.

Let's take the smoking example above: by delaying giving into my craving by 20 or 30 minutes usually resulted in forgetting all about it while I became pre-occupied with something else. When I not only became busy and focused on something else, I was able to challenge my craving but also channel my own strength, discipline and, not to mention, self-love!

In a similar vein, opposite action challenges you to take the opposite path that your emotions are telling you to.

Take again the jogging/running example. When feeling depressed or lazy (is that an emotion?), it can be difficult to find the motivation to do something constructive. But, opposite action forces us to name the feeling and own the emotion that YOU control--IT DOESN'T control YOU!

Simply put, by reframing lifestyle changes and by challenging negative beliefs and emotions, you will not only set yourself up for success, but you will also develop a greater sense of self love!

How can I habit stack, and take opposite action when winter comes and the garden is gone?

I plan on pairing the unpleasant tasks of taking out the trash and checking the community mailbox with getting movement and sunshine. Saskatchewan winters are brutal! If I have to go outside to do the unpleasant tasks anyway, I will at least get something beneficial out of it that loves, honours and respects my body.

Still struggling to find ways to move your body, or simply get out of the house in the winter? If you've had any sessions with me, you probably noticed that I can never stress the importance of team sports enough: you build your community and support system (as a defenseman in soccer, I Iiterally yell "support" when I've got someone's back), you get movement, you train your brain, and of course there's always socializing afterwards! Outdoor sports are superior because you get fresh air and sunshine, but even on the coldest and darkest of winter days, I am always glad I challenged myself to go play soccer, and I encourage you to do the same, as long as the roads are safe to do so!

#CBT #DBT #Habitstacking #delaying #oppositeaction #selflove #mybodyisatemple #flipthescript #reframe #challenge #strength #empowerment #setupforsuccess